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SasuHina, Scene 2 
12th-Jan-2005 08:08 pm
This one is a little happier than the first. (But that will change, ohhh yes *gleeful cackle*.)

NARUTO (isn't mine)

Title: Scenes from the Marriage of Sasuke and Hinata Uchiha
Rating: PG (this scene), R (overal fic)
Genre: angstfest
30 Kisses Theme: #19 (red)
Summary: Sasuke drinks and Naruto saves the wedding
Scene List: 1 2 3

19. red

At Sasuke and Hinata's wedding the sky is bright and cloudless, the air brittle like autumn even though it is only the fifth month. Robe-dying month, though few in Konoha still practice that old custom. Their marriage ceremony is held in the largest park within village walls; an old and roofless shrine stands exactly in the center. This is the best time of the year for an outdoor wedding, just before summer heat wilts the greenery, but all Sasuke can think is how the vastness of the sky makes the wedding smaller. A wedding between Konoha's two most prominent clans ought to be better attended than this.

It is, at the Hyuuga's insistence, a family-only affair. Looking out into the crowd, Sasuke cannot see a single other set of dark pupils and he drinks, steadily, until faces blur together and he can no longer distinguish more than pale ovals framed by black hair. It is the first time he has ever gotten drunk. He suspects that he is being punished, by God or the new Clan Head or both, but somehow he doesn't care - doesn't or won't or can't. He tells himself that if this is a battle then he has already won.

Hinata is wearing red and the color is too strong for her; the rest of her family wears white as is their custom. Sasuke wears black. In perhaps the only concession he will make today - other than to this place, this ceremony, these guests - his robes are of the same high-cut style as Hinata's. The wedding itself is short but is followed by an excessively awkward gathering and this, too, is custom.

Midway through Sasuke and Hinata's customary torture, the crowd shifts uneasily. There has been an unplanned interruption- Naruto has arrived. He comes from over the sculpted hills to the south, and with him come half their graduating class. And Sasuke doesn't want this, would rather no one came than these poor substitutes for the dead, but he is swept up in joviality before he can object. Hinata, of course, is delighted.

"Na-Naruto!" she says. "Kiba! I-I'm glad you came." Even this small confession brings with it a small guilty start, but the Hyuuga Clan Head seems resigned and the rest look relieved.

"Like I would miss it!" Naruto says. He can't keep still, his weight shifting back and forth like water in a bucket and Sasuke almost expects him to slosh over. "Really, Hinata, don't you know me better than that? No way I'd let your stuffy old relatives keep me away!" And Hinata smiles like her namesake, like the sun that's been present since early dawn but was distorted, somehow, by the very clarity of the morning air. Already the day's events are losing their crispness, their edges no longer sharp and well-defined.

Sasuke makes conversation with his sake and with Lee and Sakura while Naruto and the rest spread though the pale crowd like dye. Lee and Sasuke engage in an impromptu arm-wrestling match which Sasuke wins handily despite the alcohol and Lee's greater natural talent at being drunk. There are, he thinks muzzily, compensations, for spending three years with snakes (both literal and metaphorical).

Sakura and Ino fuss over Hinata's hair and robes, the later of which will be sold tomorrow to cover the costs of refurbishing a small house on the outskirts of the Uchiha compound. But at this moment they are beautiful; the brilliant red brings out the flush in Hinata's cheeks as she blushes hotly. Sakura straightens from the bent position she has adopted to whisper in Hinata's ear, grinning and with a wicked gleam in her eyes. From the other side of the field there is a loud yell; Naruto is being idiotic as usual.

Sasuke won this battle the instant Hinata accepted.

Next Scene
roses (by iconz_kthx)
12th-Mar-2005 10:45 pm (UTC)
The descriptions in the second scene are lovely and paints the setting nicely.

Suggestions: After the sentence, "Robe-dying month, though few in Konoha still practice that old custom." make a new paragraph to emphasize that the "ceremony" written about is the wedding ceremony, rather than the robe-dying custom.

Why did Sasuke win handily in arm wrestling against Lee? In a contest of muscle strength, my feeling is that Lee and Sasuke should be about equal (or Lee is stronger than Sasuke with all his training). I'd love to hear your reasons on this. :)

In the second reading, I realized you made Hanabi the Clan Head! (Of course, what with Hinata living in the Uchiha quarters.) Then this leads to my question of whether Hanabi maintained the Main/Branch structure? If she did, then Hinata would have the mark on her. If not, why? Also, since Hinata does have the byakugan (a trait desired by many outside of Konoha), how did they get permission to live outside the Hyuuga compound? Though Sasuke is very skillful, the Uchiha clan is not around to provide the couple with protection that could be found in the Hyuuga complex. I thought the Hyuugas went to great lengths to protect their bloodline trait?
13th-Mar-2005 06:53 pm (UTC) - I speak English! Really! (reposted)
My reasoning was that this fic takes places in the future and there must have been some point (you read the manga, right? SPOILER) in Sasuke's going over to Orochimaru. I can see the problem with that logic--fighting strength is not necessarily the same thing as arm strength--but I like the way it reads. So, I'll add a short sentence to explain where the strength icomes from.

As to the rest--following your first suggestion now. Thank you! And here is where I have to admit that I haven't really thought that far yet. I started this without a plan, just sort of hoping that a plot would develop out of thin air. I can't answer your questions! *ashamed* Tell you what, I think about them, and then they'll get a chapter. Thanks again, for giving me something to write about!

<3 You give good criticism.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
13th-Mar-2005 07:12 pm (UTC) - Re: I speak English! Really! (reposted)
Glad to have been of service! ^^ If I can provide something to spur on more chapters, that's great! I really love it when readers leave me good concrits to go over, so I try to return the service when possible. :)

I am caught up to the current manga chapters, so with your explaination, I have a vague timeline in my head. Perhaps then in current or future parts of this SasuHina, you'd consider placing the characters in a timeframe for the readers?
13th-Mar-2005 07:33 pm (UTC) - Re: I speak English! Really! (reposted)
*nods* I'll do that. Thanks again!
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